The Neighbors — MOSSSTREET

Murray Moss

Curator-in-Residence · The Eye · Formerly of Greene Street

In this universe he never needed a storefront — his stage is a television set with better lighting than most museums. Stages one object per episode under glass and explains it with the sincerity of a man describing a national treasure, even when it's a corkscrew. Has never once raised his voice, except about sightlines.

Signature move: the eleven-second silence
Quote: "I was indiscriminate. I would put something very expensive next to a bottle opener."
Complicated relationship with: rope barriers (uses them; resents them)

Franklin Getchell

Executive Producer · President of MOSSStreet · The Engine

The pivot point of the whole alternate universe. In real life he ran Sesame Street at CTW for six years, then left in 2000 to become President of MOSS. Here he simply never leaves, and negotiates the merger instead: two Emmy-winning instincts — children's television and theatrical retail — fused into one show. Harvard-trained actor, RSC alumnus, the only person on the Street who can say "vitrine" five ways depending on which neighbor he's talking to.

Producing rule: never take no for an answer
Awards shelf: Emmy · Peabody · Japan Prize · one very shiny trash can lid (gift from Oscar)
Co-author of "Please Do Not Touch," both the book and the song

Oscar

Resident Critic · Reluctantly

Hates the gallery. Cannot stop watching the gallery. His rants about "glass boxes for forks" are so well-reviewed that Murray gives him a monthly segment, which Oscar insists is "under protest." Owns the most-cited piece in the collection: an anonymous trash can lid that Murray insists is "genuinely great industrial design," which makes Oscar furious because agreement is worse than criticism.

Segment: "Scram!" (design reviews from inside a can)
Favorite letter: R, as in "get lost"
Has touched every object. Nobody knows how.

Big Bird

Gallery Walkthrough Host · Six years old

Reads every museum label aloud, slowly, which turns out to be the best docent program in America. Asks exactly the questions adults are embarrassed to ask ("but what is it FOR?"), and by season three has stronger opinions about postmodern furniture than most critics. Still thinks the vitrine is technically a birdcage and no one has the heart to argue.

Signature segment: "Near, Far, Extremely Expensive"
Once mistaken for a Hella Jongerius textile study; took it as a compliment

Grover

Sales Associate (Self-Appointed) · Waiter

Invented waitering-as-curation: presenting objects tableside with a full sales pitch, none of which he understands. Will tell you the chair is "very near to being sold." Has never completed a sale but generates more repeat viewers than any marketing campaign Franklin ever ran, which Franklin finds professionally humbling.

Signature line: "I am a professional! Near and far!"
Sold: zero objects. Attempted: all of them.

Cookie Monster

Provenance Department

Authenticates objects using the only test that matters to him. Surprisingly reliable: counterfeits are rarely delicious. His verdicts are delivered in one word and have settled three lawsuits. The design community regards him as the toughest critic working today.